Growing up isn't always easy

So much for me returning to blogging! Anyway, the next few blogs will be all over the place in time as I recapture recent events.

This first entry is all about growing up and not in a great way. It's what so many children have to go through I know, but when your child is really still a toddler it's hard to fathom.

Bullying.

Yep, Kara has had to deal with this even before she turned the ripe old age of 3! And it's hard to know what to think. At the start when we weren't sure what exactly was going on, it was somewhat easy to be convinced that this is just life and something that most kids have to deal with at some stage ... but for me it soon turned into 'No, this is more than mere kids being kids' and 'No, my child isn't even 3 years of age yet'.

So Kara started coming home with what we thought of as bad behaviour. Now Kara may whine a lot, but she really is a gentle, gentle soul. Several times a week she would answer back at us, yell at us, occassionally strike at us, and would say things like "you're a bad guy" (over and over again for this one), or "I'm going to bite the bad guy" or "I am going to cut the monster up like this and this (insert actions) and the monster will bleed and die". She also began mentioning one particular boy's name regularly - we'll call him "X". And it would often be "X is a bad guy" or "X said I was a bad guy".

Now to give you a quick history of "X" ... when I was picking Kara up one day, months ago, all the kids were outside and I saw "X" hit Kara fairly hard in the head with a hoola-hoop. I was too busy comforting a very upset Kara to realize the teacher had told "X" to go inside and sit in the corner or something. I was holding Kara in my arms and taking her back inside when "X" came up to me and walloped me with a broom that he was holding. He then took a backswing and aimed the broom at Kara who was still in my arms. At that point I didn't care that he wasn't my kid and I said something to him. Nothing too over the top but I firmly got my point across that you do not hit, etc, etc.

And Lance had also seen "X" hit Kara on at least 2 occassions and I witnesses another episode myself. We did mention it to the Director but were told that it was rare and that "X" picked on others too, not just Kara.

Then one day we went to an end of semester picnic at the school. It was an eye-opener indeed. Not only did I hear several other parents remark that their kids have been coming home with sayings such as "you're a bad guy" ... but I'm sure I wasn't the only one who witnessed one particular kid going around exclaiming "you're a bad guy" to the other kids ... yep, "X".

But then I saw "X" taunt Kara. Yes, taunt! This kid is about 4 or 4.5 and he was taunting my child. I didn't really know who his parents were and it wasn't really the place to make a scene (and I still had the thought that I may be over-reacting to all of this). So I distracted Kara and told her that she didn't need to play around "X", etc.

After we got home, Lance told me what he had observed at the picnic, and reality kicked in for me. Lance witnessed "X" at the top of the playground equipment screaming out at the top of his lungs "I hate Kara. Everyone hates Kara. I hate Kara". Apparently none of the other kids were paying him any mind, but it made me truly sick to think that Kara had to hear this (and I am assuming this hadn't been the first time). How does an almost 3 year old interpret this?

So Lance and I spoke to the Director (who still was saying it wasn't just directed at Kara) and we tried to talk to Kara about it.

For the Director, she told us that "X" had recently been diagnosed with some behavioural issue and that they and the parents were working hard to help him. Then she explained that in her interpretation of "Montessori" (a) kids should be exposed to diversity and that this should include behaviour as well as ethnicity, prosperity, etc; and that (b) a Montessori school is a community and a community should welcome and help individuals of all differents strengths and needs. I guess she got me on (b) as I began to think how fortunate we were to have 2 healthy children, that I was glad that my children hadn't shown 'behavioural' issues thus far, and that the parents must have limited choices of where "X" could go to school and his needs be cared for.

For Kara, we tried to explain that if she didn't like how someone was treating her or speaking to her that she could tell them that were not being nice and/or walk away, etc, etc.

A week later Kara came home and told me that "X" had grabbed her face and that he hurt her ... but that she told him that he was not being very nice and that she then walked away. Kara then looked at me and said "are you proud of me mummy?". Oh sweetie, so very, very proud. I know I will go through times like this again and again, but it just seems too early for her to be learning such life lessons.

Anyway, Kara also became instantly better at home and was again her normal happy (and whiney!) self. Not to say that the "episodes" have stopped. Lance and I were both picking Kara up last week when we saw "X" run from the complete opposite side of the room to hit Kara really hard in the back ... but Kara only cried for about 2 seconds then turned and walked away. (Lance also turned and walked ... but straight to the nearest teacher to give his 2-cents worth). The Director now admits that this behaviour is usually directed at Kara but that "X" is going to therapy or the like each morning and that he's only at school in the afternoons. Even so, we will keep an eye on things.