Passion

To me, being passionate means experiencing a full range of emotions and feelings for something - from pure elation, purpose, belief, aspirations, pride, dedication, willingness, to hardship and utter frustration. It's when you seemingly fail and get right back up to try again without thinking. Family and work are my main passions for sure.

Over the last couple of years I had often thought 'but what else do I believe in? What else am I passionate about? Who am I?' I drew a blank.
 
No surprise, this was a large part of the awakening last Nov! Where had I gone? Anything I had within me I had given to my kids and work. It was time to find me again.

So the little things included real cooking again (new things every week), getting back to my love of art, appreciating nature and the community around me and giving back, and even putzing in the garden (I'm a hopeless gardener but that's beside the point).

Oh, and I swim, bike and run ... just a little.

For a long time I didn't see me getting back into triathlons as a passion as such. It's not as if I like running in the slightest. It's not as if I am particularly good at any one of the 3 disciplines. In fact I am rather the reluctant athlete as I am never truly enthusiastic about rushing out the door for any of the training sessions. And the number of solo runs in the rain and the 5am swims I have talked myself out of!

It's really hard too. Not just finding the motivation but the actual training. Training with so many athletes that are better, faster and more motivated than I - it hurts, it's hard! But I have stubborness in my back pocket!

When I crossed the finish line for my first half-ironman in July this year, there it was - passion! I felt it. Oh my, what euphoria! It didn't matter to me that I had walked parts (many parts) of the run. I had given it everything I had. It felt such an accomplishment to me. (Note: I may accomplish many things in life but they usually don't feel like an accomplishment to me, so this was significant).

And when I saw my girls at the finish line, so elated for me that I had indeed accomplished this, I knew that finding me again was the best gift I could give them.

Of course I talked myself out of running at 6am this morning ...