Connected ponderings

Every now and then this blog will be about me and not the kids – it’s just nice to get some thoughts down …

Sleep mummy, sleep:
It seems that I have started the New Year the same as I ended the old one – feeling completely exhausted. This obviously has not gone unnoticed by Kara who told me numerous times over the weekend that I needed to go to bed and sleep. So there I was on Sunday, laying on the hard and cold wood floor, where for about 45 mins I was told to “go to sleep mummy, close your eyes” while Kara ‘soothed’ me. What this actually turned into was Sophie aimlessly crawling over my shoulders and head, pulling my hair and dribbling down the back of my neck; while Kara walked all over my back and legs, making sure I had at least 10 blankets keeping me warm, and that my head was just right on the pillow, etc. Uncomfortable in many respects, yes. But if the truth be told, I was in heaven. I was half dozing, reveling in the power that the human touch can have, and half thinking about my life and my priorities.

With all this talk of resolutions that I'm hearing, maybe it's time I thought of some for myself. I've never really gone in for the New Year resolution thing before ... but change is in the air so why not give it a go.

Change:
I have always had the belief that a significant change in location provides the opportunity for one to reinvent themselves – to change the things you don't like or just try on something new for a while - not a whole new persona mind you, just little bits here and there. I did this upon leaving Australia, then again upon leaving Seattle and I liked the results and consequences (and no, I’m not telling you what I changed!!). Nothing too drastic this time as there are enough people in Seattle who knew the 'old' Fiona .... but there's quite the expectation surrounding my return this time (i.e. supposedly ‘superwoman’ is returning) so it's a chance for me to add some pizzazz. But what it really comes down to this time I think is that I HAVE to get my priorities in order so I have the energy to succeed.

(Note – one downside of being ‘the boss’ is that everyone expects perfection all the time, that I must have my life in order and that I can do anything and everything. I’m not allowed to give the appearance of being tired or upset or even flustered. It’s an image that you have to keep day in and day out, no matter what is happening at work or at home. It is tiring and stressful in itself, but I will stop here as I hear the faint sound of violins playing in the distance).

Look after myself:
I need to do something for myself every day, however little this may be. Whether this be sitting and drinking a cup of tea WHILE it's still hot; napping when Kara naps; walking around the block getting ideas for my garden; or even reading for 5 minutes (that is, reading something not work or kid related).

Make time:
For everything I guess. Make time for myself every day; make time for my children every day; make time for my friends (especially those I'm leaving behind in DC) and family – it sounds like I am saying to make time for the simple pleasures in life, but I also need to make time for things such as errands which have been the bane of my existence to date and seemingly completely beyond my capabilities.

I guess this is my extremely indirect way of saying that I need to be more organized so I can make time for the pleasures … but I can’t quite come at that, and as Myers-Briggs will tell you, organization just ain’t me!

Enjoy life:
Yes, I am always crazy busy at work; yes I am crazy busy with my kids; but I need to stop every day to enjoy life and to feel proud of what I have achieved and where I am going professionally and personally. One reason for the move back to Seattle is for the better ‘lifestyle’ for me and my family – so this is a reminder for me to make sure I stop and enjoy this new lifestyle.

I also wish to enjoy my kids everyday; to get down to their level wherever that may be; to give them all I can and to be there for them, but most importantly not to have any expectations of them – expectations that they owe me anything in return. I want to always accept who they are and to accept their choices and decisions in life. I'll encourage, teach and provide guidance simply because I love them.